Intensive coaching to
become the man you want to be, to succeed in your
relationships, career, and life
become the man you want to be, to succeed in your
relationships, career, and life
The reason you're here
is because it's time for things to get better.
You want to be happy. You want to make life work.
But you're unhappy, and things aren't working.
Maybe you're struggling in your career. Or in creating the great relationship you want. Or feeling strong, happy, and at home in the world.
You want to commit now to fixing it, properly.
However you’ve tried talking with your partner, your friends, maybe a therapist, and even Youtube or Audible. But none of it works, at least not well enough.
What I do
I've been helping men make their lives better for years. I've done that in bad times - talking men back from bridges, supporting them through divorces, and working those in who are stuck - and I've done it in good times - coaching men to get good at dating, to make their relationship work well, to get their career on track, and to craft the strengths they need to become the strong, good, happy men they want to be.
I've done this for years as a qualified counsellor, and now I integrate counselling into a coaching, because it works much better for men. I've found that what most men need is the support of another skilled man to help them create solutions to their problems and follow through. This applies whether those challenges are emotional, or outside of them.
Men's coaching uses mainstream counselling approaches but goes further. Many counsellors don't get men. They think that for us be healthy, we need to be more feminine, more emotionally expressive and the like. That's often not true. Just because a counsellor has a penis doesn't mean he gets masculinity. A men's counsellor or coach has done his own personal work, so he understands how you can grow as a man and use your natural strengths, including your distinctly masculine strenths, to make life good. There's nothing wrong with you, you just need clarity on how to move forward, and how to use the tools and strengths you already have.
So men's coaching and counselling is a bit like seeing a personal trainer or a tradesman: there is knowledge and tools which you can use to make your relationships work, and to succeed in the world and be yourself happy. I guide you in developing them so you can do that for yourself.
What you and I will do
Together, we’ll help you create a vision of the man you want to be, focused on your goals for love, work, and life.
To achieve that vision, you’ll make commitments and be held accountable to them. Without accountability, you can hide out, lie, numb yourself, indulge your addictions, and otherwise stay stuck. And isn’t that what you’ve been doing for too long now?
Because this is coaching and not counselling, I'll encourage you to make contact with me regularly - daily, preferably - updating me on your successes that day. This practice is the product of my attempts to create what I call positive intensity. I noted that the men I supported who had tried to kill themselves, and who then decided to make a come back and create a really good life, had powerful energy and made great strides. I try to replicate that intensity with my clients but in a positive context. I've created a context which is unique in most men's experience: I bring all this knowledge, skill, and insight from years of intense work with men, in the context of so many different goals surrounding relationships and career and personal strength, and work closely with you to help you fundamentally change things.
How this works
We’ll jump straight into what’s not working. We’ll identify the problems and figure out solutions before you get off the phone.
You’ll learn the tools you need, and do the work, to make yourself into the kind of man you want to be. You'll get insight into your relationships, your obstacles to success, and what is needed for you to become genuinely happy and strong. You'll he guided to make yourself into the man that you want to be, while creating the life you want.
Working with me is also a kind of relationship, in which I will help you become more forthright with yourself and others, speaking from the heart and acting with courage. Many men don't have deep masculine relationships for doing this. They speak closely with their woman, but she can only give you so much. This is men's work.
For younger guys that last point takes on more even power. As Tyler Durden said, "We're a generation of men raised by women." I help young men develop themselves as men in the modern world: enlightened, but unapologetic about who and what they are, living out their masculinity with confidence. For young men whose masculinity has been blocked, this means becoming much stronger in themselves, focused, purposeful, clear, somebody who can make their life happen, and be a source of strength for others.
What to expect
If you’re ready to make changes in your life, you should expect some immediate results.
They may be subtle. But if you’re consistent, you’ll start to see bigger changes in yourself, and in your life, which you would have never thought possible.
In other words, you’ll start to become that man you want to be. You'll create that life you actually want.
Career
Feeling stuck in your career?
Many men find themselves at a point in life where they only go to work to pay the bills. They don't like their job. The trouble is that this creates a spiritual or emotional rot which eventually leaves them dead inside. Or worse, despairing and angry.
For other men work is not so bad, but they know it could be better - they have a drive for something else, for something more.
Other men are excited about the next challenge, but they want or need to develop certain personal qualities to make achieve their goals.
We were born to do meaningful work - work that has meaning for us. Work which expresses important parts of us, whether it's our creativity, our dependability - whatever it is.
When work's going great, we often feel great. But when it gets stuck, we feel stuck. This is because for men, especially, we are what we do. And our work is a big part of what we do. It's a big part of our identity. It's a fundamental source of our self-respect and sense of purpose. When work falls apart, they fall apart too.
Much of your capacity to create opportunities, to find meaningful work or to create meaningful work for yourself, come from your mindset. That's a modern word for your character as a man - your outlook and the way it translates into action.
I'm talking about things like keeping your head when things go wrong, seeing opportunities in good times and in bad, having courage, being driven and taking action, and so on.
I help men develop a mindset that leads to success and fulfillment in work. And I coach them to take action and embody that mindset. To develop the character they need to weather the hard times in their working life, and to make good times happen again.
Men have evolved to be protectors and providers. When we succeed in that, we flourish. When we "fail" in that, we and those who depend on us suffer.
When you're doing well at work, you're a better person and a happier one. Everybody benefits, including those you love.
I can help you get your work or career on track. I can help you become the man you want to be at work.
Relationships
I help men to overcome their challenges in dating and make it happen successfully. This includes helping them overcome fear and shame, and develop skills in confidence, conversation, and sexual interaction.
And of course I help men with their relationships.
Imagine buying a new car and never servicing it. And then getting shocked when it blows up.
It's fine to take your pride and joy to a mechanic, or to seek guidance from another man on how to service it yourself, but for some reason it's shameful to get guidance and support when it comes to the mysteries of women and relationships.
Is that because they're more straight-forward than a motor?
Or because they never blow up?
Most women still long for the age-old masculine virtues in their men, even if they expect some modern updates. (I've heard this from many female clients!)
This means that becoming the man your woman loves to be with, is the same path to becoming the man you really want to be.
In a sense it's a craft: a set of skills and knowledge for making male-female relationships flourish. Which coincides with the craft of making yourself into who you want to be.
As per the car analogy, I work with many men when their relationships are good, to develop the skills they need to make them great, to make them last for the long run.
But maybe your relationship is in trouble? Many men come only when things are at crisis point.
Here is my professional experience of that: whatever the current state of your relationship, it can be transformed. The condition is that you and your partner want that, and are willing to do the work.
Most women are more relational than men. So often the thing that really turns a relationship around is the man coming into his responsibilities, passion, and power as a partner. This also reflected the evolved and unconscious dynamics of male-female ways of relating.
I work with men to become the source of change in their relationships, to become a leader in their life who can turn everything around.
This is about becoming the best partner and man you can be. It's about developing the knowledge and skills to do that.
Okay, so what is the structure in which we work?
I offer 90 minute intensives, and a four month program.
I offer 90 minute intensives, and a four month program.
Let's get specific
Here's what the Four Month Intensive package includes:
- A comprehensive starter pack so you can set your goals for our work together.
- Twelve sessions across four months by phone, video, or in-person (depending on availability).
- An intensive and extended first session to clarify your goals, review your life, assess your mindset, and work over any fears or obstacles to our work.
- Then 50 minute sessions to be spread out according to your preference.
- Daily contact with me on weekdays, so you can practice your changes, practice being who you want to be, every day for four months!
- The ability to shift goals as we go, as you learn more about yourself and what you really want.
